Losing
by alanasimone
Summary: Tris just revealed that she is in a relationship with Tobias at the Initiation Ceremony - but how will her friends react?
1. Chapter 1

Shock. That's all I see on Christina, Will, Marlene, and Uriah's faces. They stand stock still, as if some great force binds them in ice. My stone like friends are completely silent, like any form of communication has been knock out. Slowly, comprehension dawns on Christina's face. She points to Tobias and I, linking us together. "You – Four…." She splutters.

Will shakes off the daze and narrows his eyes. I can almost see the gears turning in his head. I suddenly realize what our public relationship means. Many people will assume that I had flirted with Tobias (and seduced him) just to get a high score in initiation. We may be punished. No, not may be. With Eric around, it is will be. And Will is the first to come to that conclusion.

He takes a step back, still clutching Christina's hand. His eyes harden and his body tenses. This Will is new to me – not the kind, intelligent fellow initiate, but a formidable enemy. When Will speaks, it is as if he is chipping ice off a glacier. "Nice going, Tris," he hisses. "I thought you were being truthful when you said you weren't hiding anything. Now I realize you think you can get away with flirting with Four, just so you can become a Dauntless member. So much for being truthful – you _will_ pay for this."

He rips his hand from Christina's grasp and stalks off. Christina throws me a death glare and follows Will into the deafening crowd of celebrating people. All I feel is numbness and emptiness. Two of my closest friends, angry at me and ready to tell Eric out of mistrust. Have I really let my friendships fall that far?

While I am contemplating this, Uriah and Marlene have come back to their senses. Marlene quickly comes to Will's assumption. She looks at the two of us icily, but not as much surprise as I expected. How much did she know? But I am reassured (or if you can even call it that) by her words. "Wow, Four." She spits. Marlene looks ready to punch Tobias, and I instinctively crouch into a defensive position in front of him. "I looked up to you. And now you've fallen for someone as shallow as _her_?" She looks at me like I'm a disgusting insect. But all she does is give us withering looks and storm off into the noisy throng of Dauntless members.

Only Uriah is left. He has the air of someone who has just witnessed a murder. Horrified, disgusted, traumatized. His look disturbs me the most and leaves me chilled to the bone, all the warmth gone from my body. Uriah wears a look of deep, heart wrenching disappointment. "I trusted you," he whispers simply. That is not just for me; it is for both of us. Uriah doesn't stomp off in a rage like the others did – he turns on his heel and walks gravely into the background. My heart is breaking.

I must be strong for Tobias. He is all I have left.


	2. Chapter 2

With much difficulty, I set my face into an indifferent mask. I grab Tobias's hand and lead him through the crowd. I move as if I am in a fog. Mechanically I weave my way through people who turn to stare and whisper at us as we pass. My feet take us to the Chasm – a private place. We wind our way down the narrow, rocky path to the roar of the river. To the place of our first kiss. So much has happened since then. The torrent of the river mimics my thoughts. Roaring, raging. As we sit on a rock, letting the icy spray dampen our feet, my pain and grief twists my insides and emerges fourth as an animal like cry. It is foreign to me, filled with rage and woe. If my mind wasn't filled with a haze, I would have wondered how that could come out of me.

Sobs rack my body. I rock back and forth, letting my emotions pour out. The tears almost cleanse me, helping my mind shake off its smothering veil. My breath comes in stifled gasps. My heart feels like it is being ripped in two by a pair of alien hands. But in time, my fading emotion helps dull the pain. When I am finally able to think again, I realize Tobias has his arm around me. So much for being strong. He is rocking slowly, looking, but not really seeing, at the river. I suddenly feel embarrassed at my show of emotion. I vow to be strong.

Abruptly, I am consumed with complete, outright guilt. The kind of guilt that consumes your entire person, your soul. The sort that makes someone's insides twist in a way that makes pain seem welcome. The type that makes every fiber of one's being want to curl in a dark hole and never show one's face in daylight again. I realize that Tobias lost the respect of his initiates. He has, in fact, probably lost the respect of his friends, too. I realize that Tobias's downfall as a Dauntless Prodigy is _all my fault._ "I am so sorry," I whisper to Tobias. The words sound shallow, weak. "This is all my fault."

Tobias shakes off his trance. He hugs me for a long time, without saying anything. I let him take his time in a response. "It isn't all your fault." He says softly. Then Tobias's tone takes on a bitter note. "I was stupid enough to kiss you back in front of everyone…." He trails off, his voice choked with emotion. I still feel horribly guilty, no matter what he said. I just bury my face in his shirt, breathing in his scent. He wraps his arms around my waist, and we sit like that, contemplating our fate in quiet voices, for a great amount of time. Then, feeling like a bit of the immense weight has been lifted off our shoulders, we rise, hand in hand, and travel back up the path to reality.


End file.
